


I Now Pronounce You Husband and Husband in Political Matrimony, You May Pretend to Kiss

by facepalmConquistador



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Feferi Peixes/The Psiioniic - Freeform, Forced Marriage, Humanstuck, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes (unrequited), War Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/facepalmConquistador/pseuds/facepalmConquistador
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Protagonist A finds himself in a situation suddenly with tons of responsibility and pressure and makes a decision that will change the flow of history, however, nothing seems to be working out the way he wants them to. On top of everything, he has to be bonded with Protagonist B, his enemy since birth, for the rest of his life. Includes multiple brawls, immature prank wars, assassination attempts, family and court intrigue, love triangles, quadrant flipping (or whatever the human equivalent is for that) and plenty of sloppy makeouts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Be the Prince of Hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Since I finally got my account here, I decided to start working on this story again, so here it goes. :3 I'll be adding tags and warnings as I upload the chapters.  
> Constructive criticism is welcome!  
> (Also, this chapter is unbetaed for now, so feel free to point out any mistakes!)

==> Be the Prince of Hope.

You wish you could. However, the crown sitting heavily on top of your wavy black hair reminds you that you cannot go back to your old title. It doesn't fit you like the light diadem you used to wear.

Your name is HIS MAJESTY ERIDAN AMPORA, THE KING OF HOPE, but you have been known as HIS HIGHNESS and bore the title of PRINCE OF HOPE your entire life until only a FEW HOURS AGO. You are not very sure that you are READY FOR THIS, but if anybody else asked, you would tell them that you've been waiting for this your WHOLE LIFE.

Whatever you say though, it is a fact that your coronation came a little TOO SUDDENLY. Your father fell in battle only FOUR DAYS AGO. He went out to lead the ARMY OF HOPE himself when they were about to take over a major territory. Nobody expected that he will NEVER RETURN.

Normally, an unfortunate event like this would be followed by a MONTH OF NATIONAL GRIEVING. You don’t have any TIME TO WASTE though. The IMPERIAL BURIAL was held only YESTERDAY, and the court was eager to stick the crown on your head AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You are at war, after all, like you have been for the LAST HUNDRED YEARS, and your country can’t stay without an APPOINTED LEADER for long.

Now that you think about it, in about two months, it will be the HUNDREDTH YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the war that broke out between your country and the KINGDOM OF DOOM. Right now, your army has the ABSOLUTE UPPER HAND which hasn't been so for at least SEVENTY YEARS. The two countries, however, only agreed on a TWO WEEK ARMISTICE, including the NEGOTIATIONS in which you have to participate NEXT WEEK. Therefore, the KINGDOM OF HOPE needs a king, even if everybody thinks you’re going to be a TOTALLY SHITTY ONE.

You sigh heavily as you pull the crown off your head and look at your exhausted face in your enormous vanity mirror. Nobody is here to see you, so there is no point in pretending that you don’t feel like throwing up the ceremonial wine and then screaming your throat raw. During the coronation, you were only feeling weird detachment, as if all of that wasn't really happening to you. It all happened too soon, without any real warning, and the weight of the situation didn't have enough time to come crushing down on you.

Right until now.

This was supposed to be the most important and glorious day of your life and yet you can’t even enjoy it. All you can think about is the responsibility that got shoved in your face. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Your father was supposed to be still alive when you took the crown, and he would have been there to guide you.  
To control you. 

You pull on your hair with exasperation. You can’t even decide if you would have been okay with being his puppet if you didn't have to make decisions on your own, or if you are relieved that he’s not around to see what you are planning to do next. Because you are already thinking about doing something that he would have definitely disinherited you for, even though you couldn't even afford to mourn him properly. He might have not been around much, and he wasn't the most doting father, but he was close to you, and all you ever wanted was to make him proud. And yet...

You still remember the accident that made you start... Thinking. About things and ideas that he would have found outrageous. You have been seriously thinking about the situation of your country for a while now, actually, but you have never dared to bring those thoughts up with him. You never wanted to openly oppose your father. Right now, however, you wish you had the chance to explain your ideas to him, to make him understand, maybe even accept them. Then, you wouldn't have to feel like you’re betraying him. You wouldn't have to be worried that he’ll come back to haunt you for what you are hoping to do, and you wouldn't have to try to fight off your nausea as you stand up to pace around your chambers.

You know that almost every noble in court expects you to continue the war and finally crush the Kingdom of Doom... Well okay, they are not really expecting you to lead the country to victory – they don’t expect anything from you, or anything good, at least. They told you that quite honestly after all the expensive alcohol they poured down their throats. You could give them points for at least trying to sound supportive, but you hate it when they are obviously just trying to lick your royal ass. Basically, they just want you to give the order to the army, nothing more complicated than a simple go-ahead, so that they can finish up the job His Majesty Dualscar started. And you know that they could do it. You would go down in history as the King of Hope who finally ended the war and occupied Doom.

You would also go down as the King of Hope in whose hands the country totally fell apart. What the stuck up head-in-the-sand noblemen don’t see, what even your own father refused to see was that the people had enough of this war. Even you couldn't see it until that incident involving a scrawny little boy, a pocket knife, some milk, and a lot of mud and snot that you don’t really want to think about.

You just couldn't turn a blind eye to the poverty, famine and disease threatening your people after that, even though you are winning the war. The countries are running out of money, resources, _people_. Taking over the rest of Doom, including their crazy fort-like capital, would siphon away most of what’s left, and then what would you use for the long-overdue restorations? Doom is probably a lot worse off than your country; they wouldn't have anything to pay you with either. You might be the king, but even you don’t shit gold and diamonds, no matter how many people think that. The masses are already stirring and complaining, and if the situation gets worse, they are going to rise up most likely once they don’t have to worry about the war anymore. You wouldn't go down in history as a great conqueror, but more like the most incompetent monarch ever. His Majesty Ampora VI, King of Hope, Major Fuckup.

You refuse to be remembered like that.

When you were still just a hot-headed brat, you had grandiose plans about enslaving or killing every single citizen of Doom. You even tried to delve into ancient science to counter their “magicians”; the biggest threats against your country. You didn't understand why your father would only laugh at your idea of greatness for quite a while. Now you know why he was laughing at you all the time, and you have revised all of your plans. But it seems like most of the people seem to believe that you are still that stupid brat who didn't know a thing about how countries have to be run.

Frustration and anger is starting to spread in your stomach as you remember how some of the higher ranking noblemen even dared to suggest that you leave the negotiations to them and just sit in the background while they do the talking. The coronation cape is choking you, heavier than the light purple ones you like to wear. So much heavier. You fumble with your fingers, trying to take it off, but even your hands won’t obey you. What if nobody will obey you? What if they are already planning on how to get rid of you?

Suddenly, there’s a knock and a quiet “your majesty” from the other side of your door. You spin around and run to snatch up your crown from the other corner of your quarters with the least majestic maneuver possible, almost tripping over your cape. Who the hell could it be when you specifically gave orders not to be disturbed?

“What part of “leave me alone” do you not understand? You better leave before I decide to have you executed for disobedience!” You huff as the door creaks open, and you try your best to look intimidating when the intruder steps in.

“We both know that you would not do that, no matter who it was. “

You drop your pompous air the second you recognize your maid. You just stand there, staring at her like a lost child, your hands clutching the tangled cords and chains that still hold the cape around your shoulders. She always had this effect on you, which is ridiculous, because she’s the same age as you. You can’t imagine how you would have turned out if she and her mother, your old wet nurse weren't there for you growing up. There’s no need to answer. You both know that she’s right, and you let out another shaky sigh as she steps up to you to help with the mess you created.

“You have to stop talking like that, Your Majesty. Most people cannot tell that you do not mean your threats. They only know that you have the power to follow through.” Her voice is strict but warm, even when she uses your new title. It makes you cringe and smile at the same time.

“Sorry… But what’s the point of you callin' me that if you still treat me like a kid? Hardly anyone uses my real name anymore, I’ll forget it if you stop too.”

She looks at you for a few seconds without saying anything and then she takes the tangled chains from you. “I will stop treating you like a child once you stop being one, Eridan.”

You grumble a bit about how she’s only a few weeks older, but then you have to laugh when she finally frees you from the clutches of your cape, takes off your crown, and strokes your hair gently. You don’t care that you’re twenty-two already, right now you feel like you very damn well deserve to be petted like a child. Behold the mighty King of Hope. 

She’s the one you talked to about your new dreams first. If it wasn't for her support, you would've never dared to bring up the idea with the Striders. Even as you were second, third, and you-lost-count-how-many-eth guessing yourself, she kept telling you to stick to what you believe to be right. If there’s somebody at this palace who truly kept you together all this time, it’s her. She’s also the only one you can be completely honest with. So when you take a deep shaky breath, everything comes spilling out.

“What am I going to do, Kan? Nobody would listen when I was “just the crown prince”, and what’s the difference now, really? They will hate this, they will hate me. Oh, who am I kiddin', they hate me already, this will just give them an excuse to get rid a me! I’ll spend the very short remainder of my life dodgin' assassins! Or what if they don’t kill me, and this shit is actually accepted but then it’s not going to work, because it’s a horrible idea really and I’m the biggest idiot on the face a this earth?”

“Eridan…”

“I mean, how am I even supposed to do this?” You don’t let her interrupt your rant and you start pacing again. “I have the basic idea, and I know the theories, but I never actually had to do this before, why did this fuckin' have to happen now?”

“Eridan.”

“Why isn’t he here when I need him the most? If he was here…. Oh my gog if he was here he would skin me for even thinking about this! Fu….”

You yelp like a kicked puppy when Kanaya grabs one of your ears and squeezes it the same way her mother did whenever you got the other servants to give you dessert before you finished all of your vegetables. It makes you stop pacing and ranting immediately, and she finally lets you go when she’s satisfied with the result. Nobody else would dare to do something like this to you, but when you look in her deep green eyes, there’s not even a flash of doubt, regret or fear. She is holding your face in her hands now, and you lean into her gentle, motherly touch.

“Yes, your father would have been furious. But he cannot tell you what to do anymore. He can only watch, wherever he is now, and I know that he will be proud of you eventually.”

“Eventually.” You snort, but you can’t hold back the fluttering feeling in your chest. Hope.

“He cared about you and your brother a lot, you know. Even when he was running from one meeting to the other the whole day, he would still ask Mom to give him a report on how you two were doing every night.”

For some reason, the fluttering turns into a heavy lump and tries to choke you. Is it even supposed to do that? You refuse to let your tears fall though. You stopped crying in front of people a long time ago. You can't show weakness like that when you are fuckin' royalty.

“Well, he’s going to start hatin’ me, if he’s really up there, watchin’. He'll see what a coward I really am...”

She frowns at your words and you flinch, expecting another ear-squeeze or something similar, but she just cups your face in her calloused hands to make sure that you’re looking at her. “Choosing to do what is right and what needs to be done is not something a coward would do. It’s something only a brave man would choose over doing what others expect.”

She walks over to your bed where she dropped the crown only a few moments ago, and you bend down a little to let her put it back on your head.

“I’m proud of you for choosing this, Eridan.” You smile and swallow the lump in your throat, and then reach up to fix the crown on your head so it sits just how you want it. It’s not as hard to pull yourself together as you thought. Maybe you can really do this.

“Would you mind helpin' me pack? I need your fashion expertise to pick out what I’m goin’ to wear during the negotiations. I’ll have to make an impression.” You turn toward closet with new determination, and throw them wide open. She's mumbling something about how you always try to make an impression anyway, and you can feel your smile coming back.

“Call the Striders too, please, I need to talk to them. And tell Cal to get his stuff, we’ll set sail tomorrow morning.” You are already drafting your plan in your head when she leaves. You are doing this. It’s about time somebody finally had the balls to do it.

You are not going to go down in history as the most incompetent king. You will go down as the king who ended the war on his own terms, unified the countries without further bloodshed, and who restored the prosperity of both nations.

You are going to be an Emperor.

You are going to offer them a treaty.


	2. Be the Mage of Doom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for all the kudos and the comments! I've been struggling a bit with my confidence in writing and I've been really busy too, but you kept me going, so here's chapter two! OwO  
> (This chapter is also unbetaed, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.)

==> Be the Mage of Doom.

Of course that’s who you are. Who else could you be? Though, if it was up to you, you would rather be ANYBODY who’s not on this godforsaken piece of wood floating above a watery abyss just waiting to swallow you whole.

Not like you have issues with water or anything…

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR and you are the SECOND PRINCE of your kingdom, or as tradition goes, the MAGE OF DOOM. And you are DEFINITELY NOT staying right by the side of this ship because you’re getting SEASICK. You are just making sure that the crew is actually doing its job. You will NEVER trust HOPEANS. You wouldn't have set a FOOT on this ship if you had ANY CHOICE in the matter.

Providing you with suitable transportation after they destroyed the ROYAL FLEET about five years ago? Ensuring your SAFETY on the way to the NEUTRAL ISLAND for the sake of FAIR NEGOTIATIONS? More like rubbing the fact that you are losing the war and that they can basically demand anything from you IN YOUR FACE. They could just kill you all right now, and dump the bodies in the water. Feed them to the sharks. Accepting this “offer” was a HORRIBLE IDEA. Not like they wouldn't be able to take you down on the sea even if you took your own ships, they have owned the sea basically since this war started. And again – own ships? What ships?

Not like you don’t have your own methods, though. This war wouldn't have lasted this long if it was that one-sided from the beginning. You have psychics, magic and _psionics_. They could barely even _touch you_ on land till Dualscar came along. The whole war was just extremely grueling trench warfare on your coast until then. The man was a military genius; you have to give him that. But even his death can’t turn the current situation around.

You already know what they are going to demand. Complete surrender, the returning of prisoners of war, money and resources, etcetera, etcetera. Not like you have any of the latter two left to spare. And you are also quite sure that your father is going to say no, like all those times before. There’s a reason why this war has been dragging out this long. 

But you can’t even say that you can’t see the end of it anymore.

The people would fight. They would fight till the very last man, woman and child. The army of Hope has almost all of the land now, but you could hold your capital for about ten, maybe even twenty years. Magic and psychic powers aren’t omnipotent though, you know that very well. Soon you would run out of resources and they would finally take over. The only question is: do you give up and possibly save the lives of many thousands of people, hoping that their fate will be better than death, or do you keep fighting for your home with pride?

You wish you knew the answer.

You rub your temples, feeling a headache forming. It’s not like you’re the one who has to make the decision. You are only your older brother’s right hand, not even the High Mage officially until he’s crowned. Still, half of you wishes that you were allowed to participate in the meetings. The other half is glad that you don’t have to.

You don’t care what your father and brother are going to choose, anyway. Whatever happens, you are going to support them. And you are going to make sure that your family gets home safe and sound. Of course, you’re not expecting the same hospitality you’re getting now on the way back, if your father gives a no to their demands. You refuse to get on a Hopean ship one more time anyway. 

Maybe you could fly them home? Nah, that’s a crazy idea and you know it. You could possibly handle the distance by yourself without frying your brain. There’s a chance you could even take your sister and only risk mild brain damage, but it would definitely kill you halfway if you took your dad and your brother too. Besides, you don’t really want to end up like your great-great-greatsomething-grandpa. He might have been a national hero, but you've heard people talking and calling him Mituna The Mental. That's one of the nicer insults too. You definitely don’t want to make it into children’s songs together with the words “loony” and “crazy”.

The other options are no good either. You could just let them take you home, but you are certain that they would assassinate you all. The only other option is stealing a ship, but the chances that you can outrun them on the sea are near zero. It would be impossible to take on the Armada of Hope, even if your brother is the best _Helmsman_ of your kingdom. 

You are shaken from your thoughts by a body slamming into you and squeezing the breath out of you with an over-enthusiastic hug.

“Are you still feeling sick, grumpyface?” Your sister is wearing a very uncharacteristic frown, obviously worried that you don’t show the same excitement about being on the sea as she does. You can feel a genuine smile tugging at your lips as you pretend to go limp in her arms.

“It’s awful… I think I’m gonna…” You grin at her as she tries to hold you up, squeaking and giggling. “Please don’t let them feed me to the sharks, FF. You have to… take my body to the island. Bury me… under… the honeysuckles…” She drops you on the deck in the end and pouts at you in fake anger, puffing her cheeks out, but her eyes sparkle with relief and amusement. You don’t remember seeing her ever without those sparkles, and you would be able to kill anyone who made them disappear.

You love her.

You know you shouldn't. Not like this, at least. It’s wrong, even if she’s not related to you by blood. Even if the whole country knows that technically, you are not brother and sister. Every citizen of Doom knows the story of the first and last airship-voyage. Your father led the very first aerial attack to the Kingdom of Hope seventeen years ago – they found out that the ships did irreversible damage to the psionics powering them, so they never used them again, – found the toddler in an abandoned village, took pity on her and decided to take her home. The people don’t seem to mind that their princess is a Hopean either. She’s sweet, selfless and beautiful, a ray of sunshine in your constantly rainy and foggy capital. She is strong too – beat you at fencing, horse riding, running and even wrestling every single time since you were six. She’s the perfect Princess. The people don’t even care where she came from; she’s a true Doomian in their eyes. 

So no, the true problem is not that you are adopted siblings.

There’s a whole another reason why you shouldn't feel like this. And that reason is standing next to the captain of the ship right now, talking to him as if they weren't even enemies. They are _laughing_ about something. You wish you knew how your brother and sister can be so dazzling, earning love and respect from everybody, while people just flinch when you look at them. Maybe it really has to do something with your attitude, like Feferi says. Or they just can’t look past your creepy glowing red and blue eyes. Like it’s your fault that you were born with too much power… 

“He’s amazing, isn't he?” You are shaken from your thoughts by Feferi’s voice again, and you catch her staring at your brother. Her eyes tell you everything about why you shouldn't love her.

“No. He’s an idiot for being so friendly with someone who could decide to run him through with a sword any minute.” You answer her as you get up and fix your dark green robes. She puffs out her cheeks at you again, but you both know you’re not serious. The truth is that you adore your brother just as much as you adore Feferi. If she’s the perfect Princess, he is the perfect Prince, and superior to you in every skill and quality a future king needs. You never resented him for that, though. You have been jealous, yes, but you have accepted it. And anyway, nobody’s better than you at the one thing you need to be his best supporter: psionics. And being his Mage is all that you could ask for. You've been looking up to him since you can remember. Your first word was his name. You would follow him into certain death if he asked you to. 

“Believe it or not, Mr. Grouch, not every person in the world is trying to kill us without reason! Maybe you should try being as friendly as him sometimes, instead of scaring people away! Don’t think that I didn't see you scare that boy on purpose on the first day!”

“What bo… oh.” She means the servant assigned to you, who actually dared to ask you if you psionics were as deadly as the tales go in Hope. You were nice enough to give him a demonstration that scared the crap out of him, but wasn't enough to get you killed by the crew in spite of their orders. You also managed to make sure that the Hopeans on the ship would avoid you in a ten foot radius for the rest of the trip. Two birds, one psionic.

“He was asking for it! No, literally, he was.” You can see that she’s not buying it though as she sighs and rolls her eyes at your answer.

“Why do you treat all of them as your enemies? Did they actually do anything to you personally? No, ‘our countries are at war’ is not a legit reason, Sollux!”

“It _is_ a legit and very sensible reason. They _are_ enemy right until this fu… this effing war stops.” You could never understand how she could be so naive. She would say the same thing all the time. They are just people like us, born in a different place. We’re not that different. We could all just be friends...

You even believed her a little when you were younger and less realistic. You have seen too much of the world for that now, though.

“This is _exactly_ why we are still at war! We could have ended it a long time ago if people didn't think like you do!” It looks like she’s getting genuinely angry, so you just back off with an exasperated sigh and sit down on a crate.

“I just want all the fighting to end, you know? I can’t believe that we are not able to work things out and work together.” She says, and you try not to have a heart attack when she slides up to sit on the side of the ship, dangling a leg over each side. The same thing happened just two days ago, and when you freaked out, she just jumped over and went for a fricking swim. She thought that it was hilarious when you started panicking about such a “silly” thing. How was she even okay after a stunt like that? No, you’re not willing to play that whole game again.

“FF. We are at a _serious_ disadvantage. It’s impossible to just sit down and “work things out” at this point.”

She seems to actually think about this for a second, but then she just looks back at your brother. 

“I don’t know, Sollux. Just look at him… I feel like he could do it.” 

Those sparks… they are always so much brighter when she looks at him. Sometimes you wish she would look at you like that, admiring, trusting you to keep her safe instead of telling you not to worry, because she’s good enough with a trident (why did she even pick that?) to protect you both. You could be so jealous, and yet, you can’t. Not when you can see the same expression in his eyes when he looks at her. 

You shake yourself from your thoughts again and turn to look at your brother. He is still smiling, and it looks like he’s explaining something to the captain, who’s hanging on his every word. 

“Yeah. If anyone can do it, it’s him.” 

If you were a little less pessimistic, maybe you would even believe that it could happen. But Feferi doesn't know about everything, about all the land you lost and all the people who died. And if it’s up to you, you will keep it that way. 

You stand up finally, ready to go back inside. Maybe if the meetings are over, you can go and talk to your father. But before you leave, you pat your sister on her head, messing up her hair, leaving her giggling again. 

“Don’t you dare jump off again, or so help me, I’ll tell Dad that you do it on purpose!” She sticks your tongue out at that, but you just grin at her. As you are walking away, you look at your brother again, and your eyes meet. He’s looking at you with a proud smile, and it makes you feel like you just won the war. It’s not like you are doing anything special either. Before you left on this trip, he asked you to take care of her if anything happens. But it’s not like he even had to ask. 

You will protect her. You will protect your father and brother, too. 

You will keep them safe if it’s the last thing you’ll do. 


	3. I HAVEN'T ABANDONED THIS FIC I PROMISE I'M SO SORRY

First of all, I AM SO SORRY that I haven't posted anything for like, what, a year and a half? Life has been tough and getting in the way. I'm not going to list all my excuses, because it would take forever.  
Second, I have NOT abandoned this story. I have plans for it, some drafts for future chapters, got some ideas recently about a part I wasn't sure about, so I WILL continue it, some day. Hopefully sooner than later.  
Thank you so much for the kudos and comments, and I promise you, if you're still with me and waiting for updates on this, they are going to come once I'm ready to start working on this again.


End file.
